


4 AM

by Jenny_Starseed



Category: Cabin Pressure, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Douglas Richardson Can't sleep, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 05:08:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenny_Starseed/pseuds/Jenny_Starseed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was inconceivable and utterly unfair that such a boring couple could have so much fantastic sex at 4 AM, thought Douglas.   The thin hotel room walls don't help either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4 AM

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for this prompt: http://cabinpres-fic.dreamwidth.org/783.html?thread=2887951#cmt2887951
> 
> It's been over a year and I promised a second morning after chapter to this fic. I swear it's on my hard drive and it will be posted.

It was 4am. In a dingy cheap Best Western Motel and Douglas Richardson was not a happy man. A short trip to Boston with his Captain’s girlfriend accompanying them didn’t seem like such a bad idea. It was Martin’s one year anniversary with the illustrious Molly Hooper. It was actually Douglas’s idea that Molly came with them. He really couldn’t handle an eight hour flight with an insufferable passive aggressive captain, bemoaning the utter unfairness of not having a single full day off for a month. It was supposed to be a short flight flying a bunch of stranded American business men back to Boston. One night in Boston and then out, but the stars aligned so that a minor engine problem stranded them in Boston for two days, going on three. It was quite sickening to see the couple together. Boston was a beautiful city. It had a lot of old world charm that one doesn’t often find in America. It was deemed the perfect city to put Martin and Molly in an amorous mood. A very vigorous amorous mood. 

For a thirty-something captain, it was inconceivable that the man could have so much sex in one night. The sleep had been spotty at best, completely impossible at worst. Who would have known that for such a boring pair they had such a passionate love life.

_“AH!”_

_“Martin! Don’t—you—STOP!”_

Douglas groaned as he stuffed his pillow against his ears. No amount of shouting and banging on the walls would get the couple to stop having sex. It started quietly like this.

_A high girlish giggle._

_A deep throaty laugh._

_The indistinct murmur of conversation that comes with fumbling for a condom._

_mmm....._

_OH!_

_And then loud panting, breathy with every exhale._

With every pant came a grunt or a heavy groan. On and on with a few shout out of names before Martin’s breath catches in throat and Molly sighs contently, signalling the end of their love making. But only for an hour before it started again, this was round three. 

Douglas knew more about Martin’s sex life that night than he ever wanted to know. He really shouldn’t know what Martin sounded like when he was having fantastic sex. The scrawny, prim and prissy captain was having sex that good was much too unfair. Douglas wished he was the one making those sounds. But that would have been difficult with Arthur sitting up in bed next to him, reading an Archie comic book. Both of them gave up on sleep long ago. 

_Another long gruntal moan._

“Wow, skip must be really enjoying himself,” said Arthur. “I haven’t heard those sounds since I almost walked in on Mum and Herc.”

“Dear god, Arthur!” groaned Douglas. “I didn’t need to know that!” 

_“Mo—umph—Molly! OH!”_

“I think it’s brilliant that skipper is having such a squishy fun time,” said Arthur brightly. His face then fell a bit. “But I wished they were quieter, this is really distracting!”

_The gasping got louder. As did Martin’s moans._

It was almost percussionist in its rhythm...Douglas really didn’t want to think about rhythm right now. He buried his head further against the mattress. For such a boring and upright couple, it made perfect sense that the two did not do dirty talk. So far it was just been desperate panting of names—

_“Push it in harder, Martin! FUCK ME.”_

_“Will do—gasp--gladly! AH!”_

Ok, they did a little dirty talk.

_“You feel so good and really slippery!”_

_“That’s because I’m hot for your cock!”_

Ok, correction. Very bad dirty talk. 

Douglas banged the wall. 

The sex sounds stopped a bit. 

_“Oh dear, Martin. I think we woke up Douglas and Arthur.”_

You don’t say, thought Douglas. 

_“Should we stop?”_

Dear god, please stop, Douglas silently pleaded. 

_“We could just be a bit quieter.”_

_“Let’s do that.”_

Douglas groaned. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. All that meant was the sounds became more muffled, only to crescendo to its former horrifying loudness. Just as Douglas had predicted, the moaning, panting and gasping came back at double the decibel, and the dirty talk got worse.

_“ATC to Molly Hooper’s clitoris—“_

_“UGhhh...mmm...oh! Roger that!”_

_“Actually, no one really says roger that, it’s not quite standard—AH!“_

_“I love it when you talk aeroplane, my big captain! Now...ROGER ME HARD!”_

_“YES MA’AM!”_

Douglas sunk deeper into the bed, pulling the scratchy thin covers over his head. 

“Douglas, do you think they’re doing a bit of role playing?” asked Arthur.

“hmm?”

“You know, role playing. Like you do at Halloween, except without costumes!” explained Arthur. “It reminds me of when me and Harriet used to play dress up before we had sex. She played nurse while I played French maid—“

Douglas abruptly sat up in bed to face Arthur. His eyes were red and his hair was terribly ruffled. “Alright Arthur! Please spare me of the details. I really don’t want to know the kinky details of the love life of every crew member of MJN Air.”

“I’m just passing the time,” said Arthur. “They might take a while to finish having sex. Me and Penelope used to have sex six hours straight!”

“Six hours?” repeated Douglas in disbelief. “That is anatomically impossible, unless you’re bloody Sting.”

“Ouch, I never had sex with a bee before.”

“Never mind that,” said Douglas. “What I am saying that it is impossible to have sex for six hours straight.”

Arthur grinned. “No it’s not! I’ve done it!”

“Yes it is!” 

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is!”

“Yes it is!” said Arthur.

“Yes it is?” repeated Douglas. “So you do admit that it’s impossible to have sex for six hours straight.”

“No,” said Arthur. Douglas could feel his blood pressure going up. “It is possible to have sex for six hours straight.”

“But I was arguing yes it is impossible to have sex for six hours straight,” clarified Douglas.

“And I was arguing yes it is possible to have sex for six hours,” said Arthur with a bright smile, obviously not willing to admit the defeat. Douglas gripped his pillow tightly. 

“Give me strength,” Douglas gritted out. He took a deep breath. “Ok, explain how it is possible to have sex for six hours straight? Without your penis falling off, preferably.”

“Why would your penis fall off?” asked Arthur quizzically. “Even I can’t make my penis fall off at will. There’s always a bit of a pause in the middle many times. You know, when your body goes all tingle-ly—“

_AHHHH!!!!_

“And you make that sound that skip just made”

_“OH Martin.”_

“And lady-friend calls out your name, like Molly did with Martin’s.”

“Of course,” deadpanned Douglas.

“And then your body goes all squishy and you feel like warm custard on the inside and you make this big sigh.”

_Haaaaaaaaa...mmm....._

“And then your lady-friend would say some really nice words.”

_“That was wonderful, Martin.”_

“And then you say brilliant.”

_“You’re Brilliant, Molly Hooper.”_

“A bit of hugging and a little kissing, but not too much because you know, you’re very knackered by this time.”

_“Oh my god, it’s 4:20am!”_

_“Hmmm....”_

“So you drop off to sleep for a bit against your lady-friend before you wake up to do it all over again!”

“So in other words, you just had marathon sex. Just like Molly and Martin,” said Douglas. “Not non-stop sex where you don’t orgasm for six hours.”

Arthur grinned. “Now you’re being silly! No one can have sex for six hours like that! Imagine how boring and sore that would be. And the blanket burn!”

“Blanket burn?”

“Blanket burn! It’s a little like carpet burn when you have rough sex against rough carpet.”

There were no more murmurs or giggles. No more loud sex. What a relief, thought Douglas. Douglas released the pillow from his grip, punching it before he put his head on it again. “Thank you for your delightful insights into sex. I do believe our enthusiastic captain and his girlfriend have stopped their sexual congress. This means I can finally get some sleep. Turn off the light, will you Arthur?”

“Sure thing, Douglas.”

The room finally went dark and quiet and Douglas Richardson finally got his sleep.


End file.
